not a pretty picture. not a good. not a bad. picture. but an argument.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

alone


is this aloneness enough?  does it show you?  can it reveal?







standing alone in the kitchen after he has left me, my legs still extended and my hand reminiscent at my hip –
(is this bone a word he once spoke?)
i almost feel what he must feel – my presence – my actuality – my more convincing being

i put my hand to my other hip and feel the phantom sway of bone between, the join, the dip
and horizon of my actual being
- almost

but he has left the room
and definition of alone resonates like a question
as though bones are not enough

even my hips
they do not exist

11 comments:

  1. as happens in the great confluence of the world, dean posts a piece by J. Krishnamurti which notes an important distinction between loneliness and aloneness. you can read it here:

    http://beautywelove.blogspot.com/2012/01/self-isolation.html

    xo
    erin

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  2. The Peace is also to discover yourself alone without the other's presence. This allows us to discover and suddenly find that under the cover of our bodies simply are we in full an d rewarding loneliness .

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  3. this, damaso, and too, to experience aloneness even with the lover beside us, this perhaps the most important and honest way of being. are we ever not ultimately alone, restricted inside our bodies? perhaps when we die. perhaps not.

    xo
    erin

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  4. We are never enough, always alone, searching in the dark for the other to solidify our existence.

    The dark here is ominous, making everything hard to see.

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  5. rosaria, yes, we are, always searching for that other. what is that other? our love, our maker, a reason for this life? or is it because the entire world is composed of opposites that we can't help but search what exists as our own opposite? are we always only seeking balance?

    whatever the search and no matter the love, we are always isolated inside our own particular journeys.

    now, to embrace that aloneness and to experience what we can, learn what we possibly might.

    xo
    erin

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  6. Erin, are we looking for Opposites, Balance, Meaning?
    We understand our frailties, and worry too much.
    We appreciate our strength, and fret too much also.
    Embracing the aloneness?
    Ah, there is zen here. If only...

    My path was forged so long ago. Perhaps, if I just slip into another rhythm, a more accepting rhythm.

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  7. this is the beautiful fluidity of life, rosaria. nothing is forged. we are all only ever and always becoming. we never arrive. we simply die. and so at any point in our journey we might become anything. truly. truly. it is in you - a new road, countless new roads.

    i know, i know, i am only 41. i laugh. my children would use different terminology. to them i am ancient. but you can not imagine how i have become new. this is unnerving. what can i trust? how can i trust today, tomorrow, when yesterday i was something else? but rosaria, the only trust we need to have is that we are in fact not forged, and instead, fluid.

    i love you, rosaria. i love your bravery, too. i give you the largest loving-est hug.)))

    xo
    erin

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  8. Erin,
    You are younger than my eldest son, and just a couple of years older than my daughter. I could have had a daughter your age.

    You know that I think you are one of the most intuitive and creative souls around. What's more, you are generous and kind and most loving. You were the first to write to me after Brian's death, to reach out and hold my hand.

    I've known you for a few years, and I feel close to you.



    I was raised Catholic. During the service for Brian, I had this immense desire to be my old self,to have the belief of an afterlife.

    I don't believe in heaven or hell. But, we do come close to experiencing both.

    Thanks for the hugs, Erin. Hugs right back at you!

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  9. i've known opposite, mirror, and now other. in other i give and receive myself. in other i know the not-other, the fullness of emptiness, the inside of outside, the everything of nothingness. steven

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  10. wow..god, amazing.
    as always. I'm intrigued by you and your amazing talent.

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  11. rosaria, somehow i think we might just have time confused. after life? now life, all life, always. perhaps our nuggets of egos will not be intact, but i daresay, brian is not gone)))

    steven, i have the feeling you know a great deal. yes, yes, the inside of outside and the everything of nothingness.))

    mary, hello. welcome. i smile. i'm just a middle aged woman flexing her aenemic muscles. aren't we all? (and you can not imagine what sort of perverse joy i get in saying middle aged. one day i will say old and get joy in that, too.)

    xo
    erin

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"Words at the limit of hearing, attributable to no one, received in the conch of the ear like dew by a leaf." (philippe jaccottet) or even a quiet presence is appreciated))