not a pretty picture. not a good. not a bad. picture. but an argument.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

early morning alone

i know you're lost.  i know you're found.  i know you're buoyant upon the waves.  i know you can't breathe beneath water.  i know you're sinking.  i know you're happy.  i know you're dying.  i know you forgot your favorite ball at school.  i know you've lost your father.  i know your dog will run away.  i know you came in first place.  i know you cry while you sleep and i know you forget it all by morning.  i know it niggles you though around your shoulders even while you laugh.  i know you've swollen the word laughter.  i know you've pushed its boundaries and given it new meaning.  i know around that meaning you are bruised.  i know you're hopeful.  i know you need for me to laugh.  i know you need to laugh.  i know your leg aches.  i know you think about extinction.  i know you wonder about war.  i know you like to kill zombies.  i know you watch light.  i know you watch me.  i know you like breasts.  i know you don't know why.  i know you are afraid.  i know you are curious.  i know you are alive and dying.  i know.  i know you love me.  i know you don't know why.  i know you're afraid of me, but only as negation.  don't make mommy mad.  don't make mommy sad.  don't make mommy disappear.  i know, i know you almost don't know this.  you only know it as a shadow.  i know the shadow only happened once or twice.  i know it was the smallest moment.  i know you collect pebbles.  i know how to hide shadows.  i know you know i think that you're the best.  my best.  your best.  i know around this you're lost.  i know around this you're found.  i know you close your eyes and imagine.  i know you don't know what imagine means.  i know that imagining is all you have.  i know you believe in the solidness of trees.  i know hugs heal.  i know silence cuts.  i know, i know you are alive.  i know you'll never lose your father.  i know what it is to lose a father.  i know we don't die.  i know we don't until we do.  i know you are alive.  i am here, right here, here, forever here, as real as any tree is real, imagine me here, your mother.  let's rise.